What about God?

Can we ever know the truth about God? Before I got depressed, I thought I was a Christian. I thought that God was good. I thought he loved us and cared for us. I grew up in a Christian home with Christian parents and Christian friends, and although I have always been inquisitive, I had never experienced something to make me challenge my perceptions of God. Until last year. Until I stopped living a life and started spending hours on end wishing for death to win. Naturally, all of my morbid speculations caused me to question what lies 'beyond the grave'. Do I just die and stop being? Do I get damned to an eternal hell to burn for all eternity to pay penance for my pitiful, sinful, selfish existence? 

What's more, being at the very bottom of a cavernously deep and infinitely black void makes one wonder why a God who claims to have 

'loved the world so much that he gave his one and only son' (John 3:16)

 would ever subject the beings he claims to have created to the kinds of unbearable suffering that are present in this cruel world: Starvation. Loss. Despair. Rape. Murder. War. Cancer. Loneliness. Depression. It isn't even as though God tries to hide the fact that he lets his people suffer. Take a look at the book of Job (pronounced: jobe) in the Old Testament; Although Job did everything he could to be right with God, God took everything away from him until Job begged for death, simply to prove a point (and display his power) to the devil. Is it not actually a little sadistic that God would create this world and the people who walk the Earth and then allow them to suffer just so he can prove that he has power over them? And then the bible tells people to call to God in times of trouble-

'Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.' (Matthew 11:28-30)

 when actually, he is only giving us rest from something which he has essentially inflicted upon us. And then we are expected to praise and worship and adore him. But at the moment, I just can't, because waking up every single day wishing you had never been born and dragging yourself through the day suppressing the intense emotions that leave you utterly isolated and completely desperate is not really something I feel like giving thanks for.